when your brain won't stop:
6 tools for anxious moments
If you're reading this, you probably already know what it's like to have your brain go rogue on you, replaying a conversation you had three days ago to “figure out” if you said something offensive, or just humming quietly in the background with a general sense of dread you can't quite name.
You've probably also tried to logic your way out of it. And you've noticed that doesn't really work either.
These tools won't silence your brain (sorry!). But they can help you feel more in control of what you do after a nagging “what if” shows up.
When you notice a spiral starting, name it out loud (or in your head): "I'm having the thought that {INSERT THOUGHT HERE}." This small step creates a tiiiiiny bit of distance between you and the thought, just enough to remind you that the thought is just a thought, not a fact, just brain noise.
Examples:
“What if my assignment gets flagged as AI even though I wrote it myself?” —> “I’m having the thought that what if my assignment is flagged as AI even though I wrote it myself?”
“I don’t think I felt what I’m supposed to feel when I hugged my partner just now” —> “I’m having the thought that maybe I didn’t feel what I’m supposed to feel when I hugged my partner.”
❋ START BY NAMING WHAT'S HAPPENINGAnxiety often asks questions knowing full well it will never be satisfied with the answer. Every time you engage — even to reassure yourself (“you would never do something like that!”) — it just opens the door to the next question. So we stop answering. We stop playing games with anxiety.
Try: "I'm not answering that right now." Then return to whatever you were doing.
FYI: reassuring yourself still counts as answering. The goal is to not engage at all.
❋ DON’T ANSWER THE WHAT IFS
Overthinking feels like problem-solving, but there's one key difference: real problem-solving has a next step. If you can identify something concrete to do, great, do it!
If you're just spinning and can't name a clear action, that's your signal that you might in the spiral, not solving anything.
No clear next step? Write the worry down, tell yourself you'll come back to it, and move on. People often tell me that they completely forgot about it after writing it down and never came back to it!
❋ ASK: IS THERE A CLEAR NEXT STEP?
❋ DO SOMETHING THAT TAKES YOU OUT OF YOUR HEAD
Your brain spirals most when it has nothing else to do, when you’re bored, lying in bed, half-watching something. This is purposeful distraction, not avoidance (they’re different, I promise!).
The key is choosing something that actually pulls focus: a show you've been dying to watch, a game you love, baking your grandma’s classic cookies, calling a friend. Something meaningful to you.
(If it wasn’t clear, this step is about reconnecting with your values).
Oh and scrolling usually doesn't count; it gives your brain just enough space to keep running the spiral in the background.
❋ FEEL IT INSTEAD OF FIGURING IT OUT
A lot of anxious thinking is actually an attempt to think our way out of feeling something uncomfortable. Try pausing and checking in with what's actually going on in your body: tension in your chest? A knot in your stomach? Sitting with the physical feeling, without trying to explain it away, can be more helpful than analyzing it.
You don't have to like the feeling. You just have to let it be there for a minute.
❋ REMIND YOURSELF THAT YOU DON’T NEED TO BE ABSOLUTELY SURE
Your brain wants certainty before it lets you move forward. But certainty is rarely available, and waiting for it keeps you stuck. You don't need to know for sure that it'll be okay before you send the text, go to the thing, or start the assignment. You're allowed to move forward while still feeling uncertain. The more time we spend in our heads trying to think our way to certainty, the less time we spend actually living life.
The goal isn't to feel less anxious before you act. It's to act while the anxiety is still there. Anxiety may come along as a passenger, but it doesn’t get to drive.
I wish I could tell you that following these steps will make anxiety go away but I can’t. I also wish I could tell you that trying this once will have a significant impact on your anxiety but I can’t promise that either.
There is no quick fix. Anxiety recovery is a practice. I mean, we’re literally re-wiring our brains!
If you're ready to work on this with some support, I'm a therapist in North Vancouver (and online) and I'm accepting new clients.
HI, I'M ALEXINA
I specialize in anxiety and OCD in teens and young adults, which means I spend a lot of time with people who are smart, self-aware, and absolutely exhausted from the mental gymnastics of their own brain.
I'm not just here in a professional capacity. Anxiety has been part of my own story too, and that shapes how I work. I know what it's like to understand something completely logically and still not be able to think your way out of it. I know how sneaky compulsions can be. And I know how much it costs you, in presence, in energy, in parts of your life you've quietly started avoiding.
The tools in this guide are things I actually use with clients. Therapy goes deeper, we work together to understand your specific patterns, build your tolerance for uncertainty, and help you stop organizing your life around anxiety.
If this sounds like your kind of thing, I'd love to connect.